Perhaps this post should be called flying candlesticks or a fight over the missal...
Earlier today, when I was at Mass, before Mass began, I was in the sacristy, and I heard some weird noise coming from the Church. The noise apparently was coming from a lady who was walking around on the sanctuary with nothing on but a long cardigan and a pair of wellington boots. My Mom managed to get her to the back of Church, where another parishioner helped to try and find out where the lady lived... all in vain. While they were doing this, Mass started as normal. The lady then asked if she could come home and marry Mom, who obviously refused. The other parishioner then got the lady a plastic cup of water. (That parishioner is not in my good books you will understand why if you read on!)
The lady then stood up, and marched up the centre aisle, went on to the sanctuary, proceeded to blow both of the candles out. As I was holding the missal for Father, the only thing I knew about this was the sound of footsteps behind me! After she had blown both of the candles out, the lady threw her cup of water over me! That is the first time I have had a cup of water thrown over me in Church, although, I have been in church wetter than that before! (That is another story...)
The lady then yelled at Father to stop talking, Father did not pay her any heed, and carried on with the Confiteor. She then came over to me, and tried to yank the missal out of my hands. I think Father whispered to me "Hold on to it!" but I might be mistaken... When the lady gave a strong yank, the missal slipped from my hands. The lady threw the missal off the sanctuary, where a parishioner picked it up, heedless of the lady's cry for him to leave it where it was. It turns out that the new CTS missals are really good quality!
The lady, who it was becoming increasingly obvious was somewhat deranged, then threw one of the parish's "small six," (They don't really merit the title of big!) which form the Benedictine arrangement, off of the sanctuary, where the small clay lid, the candle and the candlestick separated and went to different parts of the Church and were retrieved during various parts of Mass.
The lady then stood in front of the Altar and began to rant. I could not make out anything she was saying apart from a lot of swearing. While she was ranting, Father told me to go and get the candlestick, which was in a corner not too far away. I retrieved it and put it on the credence table before going to get a box of matches from the sacristy. After a few minutes of ranting, the lady calmed down a little and Father got up and went over to her. She yelled at Father not to touch her, and then yelled something unintelligible. While all this was going on, one member of the congregation went to the back of church to call the police. Father managed to get the lady to go and sit with a parishioner, who took her to the back of Church. Father then continued with Mass as if nothing had happened.... All's well that ends well! (Except if you are a candlestick which after bouncing around, is not in the best condition ever!)